Purple, Gray, Blood, and Gold. (Part-1)

Last summer, things at Lakers Nation started spiraling downwards in an uncontrolled manner. The Dallas Mavericks swept the Lakers in the Western Conference semi-finals, and went on to win the championship; ending Lakers' hopes of a Threepeat, something that Phil Jackson has done three other times. This was Phil Jackson's last season as a coach, and it was the worst exit possible - swept for the first time in his post-season history as coach. One of the best coaches the league has ever seen has been shown the exit doors in the most disappointing manner. Ever.

The league soon went into lock-out.

After a long, long lock-out, after many days of over-night discussions between the league and players' association, the two parties finally agreed to get the season started on X-Mas day. I remember the late-November afternoon (here, in India), when the news came up. I was too excited, to say the least. I was lying on a sofa, watching cricket, and this got me sit upright. Greetings were exchanged. Gratitude shown to everybody who spent sleepless nights working on this, sacrificing more than we know about. The result was that the season was saved and a 66 game schedule was to begin in a month's time.

Well, the universe has its own way of striking off every smile with a frown, and healing every sorrow with happiness. The former would apply for the Lakers.

By the time the Lakers family met for the first practice, this is what happened (since WCF SF vs Mavs, 2011 season) :-

Mike Brown took over as coach, brought in his team of assistance coaches. Brian Shaw would leave (Pacers). Lakers ditched The Triangle, but continue to focus on defense,

Lamar Odom lost his cousin in July.

Derek Fisher arrives with near-zero practice. He was the face of all the players in the league, being the President of the NBPA, and was hence the man who had to work on ending the lockout. Whilst doing that, he got no time whatsoever for other things in life.

Kobe Bryant had a surgery in his knees, in Germany. And he was coming to terms with playing minutes and the energy that would be consumed in doing so.

Ron Artest had a ridiculous off-season. He changed his name to "Metta World Peace", and was on a diet of Martinis, and added a bunch of pounds to his body when he arrived back as a Laker for the truncated, but congested season.

Pau Gasol, probably the most ready-to-play of the Lakers, had a good summer at the Eurobasket, and spent most of the summer in his back-yard, playing one-on-one basketball with his brother, Marc.

Andrew Bynum had treatments on his own knee, and had to visit doctors several time to get the pus out of his knee, which would be filled again every time he played.

Shannon Brown left the Lakers, and would join the Suns later.

So, before the first day of practice, the Lakers' starting line-up was disjointed.

Trade window opened up. Laker fans had their heart sliced open and trampled upon, as David Stern pulled the plug on a near-done trade that would send Pau to Rockets, Odom to hornets, and Lakers would acquire Chris Paul and others. This was nearly done, when Dan Gilbert, owner of Cleveland Cavaliers (whose history of whining is well known to everyone), along with others opposed the deal. Whether or not the '29 owners of the New Orleans Hornets' were influenced by this or not, David Stern decided to veto the trade on the table for 'basketball reasons'.

Basketball Reasons....my foot!

Pau Gasol showed up at the practice. Mitch Kupchak spoke to him. He continued with the practice. Lamar Odom showed up at practice. Spoke to Mitch Kupchak, left the building in half an hour. Lamar Odom was traded to Dallas Mavericks, in exchange for trade exception money.

What's more. Chris Paul got traded to Clippers. God knows how that improved the Hornets, who are sitting comfortably at the bottom of the Western Conference, losing atleast one of the traded-from-Clippers newbie and managing with an unhappy other, and banking on future picks of the ever unfortunate Minny Timberwolves.

The Clippers, who share the same arena as the Lakers - the Staples Center, looked at this as their best chance to raise a banner of their own among the dozens and dozens of Lakers'. To fuel to flame, the two pre-season games would be between the intra-city teams.

Without Shannon Brown and Lamar Odom, Lakers had to fill in a HUGE void. Ex-Pacers men - Josh McRoberts and veteran Troy Murphy were signed in. Two rookies - Darius Morris and Andrew Goudelock were given contracts. The Lakers looked a shadow of the past. Really. And the two pre-season games showed that.

The whole chemistry had changed. Players didn't understand the new offense, and were slow in learning it. The Lakers were slow, and were getting beat-up on transition. The new offense school also meant that the Lakers were turning the ball over many, many times. And to make things just that much worse - Kobe Bryant has injured his wrists. His legs are better, but now has torn ligaments in his right wrist.

The fans were getting impatient. They were excited too, but the fact that the Lakers had been betrayed by lady luck multiple times in the recent history meant that there was more anxiety and worry than excitement. At Lakers, there is no substitute for a win. Jerry West would remind you how much he hated being the Finals MVP in a season he lost to the Celtics in the Finals.

It is December 25th. The game starts at 5 pm. The Chicago Bulls are at The Staples... The Lakers start what can potentially be a very nasty season, against the team led by the reigning MVP - Derek Rose. Lakers are without Andrew Bynum (4 match ban to start this season for his flagrant foul on JJ Barea, the then Maverick guard.)

I get up at 3.30 am, and chant "Go Lakers" to nobody echo, and set myself up for the season... A season I waited for so long, only to walk on a path of thorns.

With a broken, bleeding heart, and with the blood boiling from last season's humiliation, Team Purple & Gold and its fans get ready to tip the season off...

(Part 2 : The season, coming next week)

The mother of all rivalries and a friendship...

India vs Pakistan. Any stage, any place, any format. Bound to get you pearls of nervous sweat drops, goosebumps and hair-rising moments. Here, Siva ( @atlasdanced on twitter) relives some magical IndoPak cricketing moments from the past, and leaves us with a beautiful tale from the day the 2011 World Cup Semi Final game between India and Pakistan unraveled itself elsewhere.

Enjoy!

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My earliest memory of watching any cricket between teams from the two countries was this Rothman’s Cup match in Sharjah’85 *. This must have been the match that turned me into a fan-boy of that man Imran Khan. The next match that I remember watching was a year later. A match that has a special place in cricketing folklore. And then a year later, there was this Test. If watching that 6 for 14 on television two years earlier had already made me a fan-boy, this 135*, witnessed in person, had just sealed it for life. I would never again go on to root for an opposition playing Pakistan, unless it was India or the West Indies. Mostly, it was due to that man Imran. And then later on, the Ws.

And that brought with it a unique set of complications while watching every India-Pakistan game from then on. India has to win, of course. But not at the cost of Imran’s (and later, the Ws’ or Mushie’s or Saqi’s) bowling. Let them take 3 or 4 wickets as long as India has a winning score. Let that lazy leviathan Inzamam or that genial gentleman Younis Khan or that talented brat Umar Akmal score a 50 or that crazy guy Afridi plunder a whirlwind 30 before their team goes about collapsing. And yeah, while that happens, can Sachin score another hundred please?

Over the course of the next two decades, the two teams would go on to be part of some seriously NSFH (Not Safe For Heart) matches, be it Tests, ODIs or even T20Is. And then there was the small matter of the World Cup encounters. Barring the ‘07 edition, a tournament that both teams would like to think never happened, they played against each other in every WC since ‘92. Every time India came up trumps by a good margin. With history by their side and a home advantage to boot, India were slated to play Pakistan on 30^th March’11 at Mohali in yet another WC encounter. It was a semi-final this time. 15 years and 3 World Cups after they last played a knock-out game in a WC.

By a strange quirk of fate, I was in the very country that had hosted almost as many India-Pak ODIs as either of the countries when this match happened. I was working for a client in Abu Dhabi, a company whose expat employees were a mix of people from Pakistan, India & the UK. The pleasantries exchanged with them at work usually extended into a 5 minute summary of what each of us thought about the cricket match the previous day. 15 minutes, if it featured any of our home teams. And what a delightful WC it turned out to be for the teams from the 3 countries! England provided all the thrills & comedic value in almost all the matches they played. Pakistan, in spite of losing 2 of their potential-all-time-great bowlers to the spot-fixing scandal, fired on all cylinders under the spirited leadership of that maverick who also ended up as the tournament’s best bowler. While India never faltered on any of the expectations, considering all the hype around their recently acquired # 1 ranking in Tests, except in the one game in which its middle-order & bowlers had a brain-freeze.

My work there involved considerable amount of time interacting with Rizwan. Rizwan is from Karachi. A top chap whom I have a lot to thank for, if not anything else at least for being the only guy whom I didn’t have to waste time trying to explain what I had to say when it came to work. Breaking the ice was never a problem considering how passionate he was about cricket and it also helped that I’d told him I was there when this happened. He was surprised to hear about my being a fan-boy of Imran & the Ws (and even more when I told him how quite a few of us in India call Wasimbhai as ‘the left arm of God’) and to my pleasant surprise, he thought Sachin was, without any doubt, the greatest batsman ever. (“if only he’d played for Pakistan, we would’ve never let Australia dominate cricket in the previous decade”).

On the day before the match, I asked Rizwan what he thought were Pak’s chances given their dream run till then (but for Kamran Akmal they’d have won all their matches convincingly). Rizwan was equally thrilled about the match but he was quite skeptical about their chances... “agar Sachin ka wicket jaldi gira toh chance hai…magar aapka batting bahut strong hai”. When I told him that had Asif & Aamir been around, I’d have been as skeptical as him about India’s chances, he brushed it aside to say “humaara problem bowling nahin hai…woh dono gaye toh aur do bande aayenge…abhi Gul hai…Wahab bhi achcha bowler hai… aur Afridi ab dimaag se bowling kar raha hai…farak batting mein hi hai”. We spoke cricket for about half an hour before it was time for us to leave and that’s when he did a Rajsingh Dungarpur on me “miyan, kal match dekhne ghar aaoge?”. “Of course Rizwan, would be a pleasure…but is it fine with you if I don’t stay on for the entire match since some friends here have already made plans to watch it together?” – My reply was partly a lie. None of those friends would’ve missed me if I wasn’t around while they watched the match. But I was surely not going to get caught in the dilemma of how to react at the end of the match, whatever be the outcome.

Rizwan had taken the day off on match day. I had no such option. But I could only manage to leave early that day and by the time I reached Rizwan’s house I had missed only Viru’s carnage of Gul and probably half an hour of play. Rizwan’s family were being as much of hospitable, warm hosts as what one has read about people from Pakistan in books like this and posts like this. A few minutes into watching the game, this happened. Rizwan’s 8 year-old daughter, who doesn’t understand much about the way DRS works (not unlike the players, umpires, the ICC & most of us) was sure – “aapka Sachin out tha na daddy…phir kyun khel raha hai?”. I was sure (and glad) that Sachin got lucky. But I didn’t say a word. Rizwan was equally perplexed. But being the nicest guy around, didn’t say a word either(and thereby robbing me of an opportunity to point to him how karma probably bit back for this Aaqib Javed hat-trick). And then began the series of dropped catches. When the Kakmal drop happened, even Rizwan couldn’t hide his disappointment and winced so much that for a brief moment, even I felt bad that they were dropping so many. At the end of the Indian innings, after Wahab Riaz’s brilliant spell pulled the Indian score back, we both felt that Pakistan had a slight chance. But once again Rizwan was bang on with his prediction – “yeh game toh ab Younis aur Misbah ke haath pe hai”. I bid adieu to that lovely family and joined my friends to watch the rest of the match and the rest, as they say, is part of Statsguru.

Rizwan came up to my workstation next morning and had this to say – “badhaai ho yaar…main bola tha na ki India ka hi chances zyaada hai? catching ke wajah se pata nahin hum aur kitne match haarnewale hain….magar main khush hoon…main nahin socha tha ki yahaan tak bhi aayenge… ab finals mein to aap hi jeetenge”. All I managed in return was an understanding smile.

I still owe Rizwan a lunch and lots of ghee shakkar.

* - not sure if this was a live telecast...could be the highlights package in good old DD

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(photo credit : svaradarajan.blogspot.com )

Little things, big love.

There are little things in life that catch your attention. The little things that make you want to notice them every day, even if they are not significant in a big manner. But, these are the exact things that may hog your attention on some later day, make you see more of it, make you associate yourself with the surroundings, fall in love.

I love cricket and basketball. And there are many things and players to love. There are also some small tid-bits that you like to watch over and over, and you may never get tired of. It amuses you. You don't care what's happening around them, or you, whilst you watch it. I'll give you two examples of such things, that puts a curve to my smile, subconsciously tilts my face and fixes my eye on the beautiful little, otherwise insignificant, string of moments.

1. I used to watch nearly every cricket match possible. Many people do that. We Indians are that crazy about it. Each of us have our favourite moment on screen. We like to see somebody's in-swinger, somebody's helicopter shot, someone's cover-drive... I have my own list of all that. But, that's appreciating the art. The single-most favourite one and a half second of cricket ritual is that of Morne Morkel completing a circle on top of his run-up before chugging his body to bowl. I have no idea why he does it, but he does it, and it is lovely. I call it "Morne's Halo". Makes me marvel. That, and him being tall and bowling snorters at batsmen, is why I like him bowl, why I like watching him bowl.

2. I like....love the Lakers. I had started watching NBA only in the Shaq/Kobe era, and most of the spot-light would be on them, and why not? But there was this little fellow there... Derek Fisher, same draft class as Kobe. He had this thing...this special thing, of making a Free Throw look beautiful. The arc that Derek Fisher conjures, gives you so much time to say "wow" very slowly. They're silly, little things you see... But that's where I started to love the Bandana wearing, never dunking, clutch role player the Lakers had - Derek Fisher.

It was 12.30 am last night, this morning, if you will...

The trade deadlines had just closed. Lakers had dealt Jason Kapono, and Luke Walton and a future pick for Ramon Sessions and Christian Eyenga from the Cavs. It was kind of twitchy, reacting to Luke's trade. He was always injured, but got a sizable salary. It was amazing what Mitch Kupchak had pulled off. But, Luke Walton is family. What he had been to the Lakers is beyond numbers. He was very unfortunate with his body, but was a constant motivation and has an excellent basketball IQ. That helped Lakers' 2nd coming of the decade. He'll be a coach soon.

Yeah, 12.30 am.

It was said that franchises will be given a few more minutes to complete discussing any trade on the table, but not allowing new trade options to be discussed. Most, or all, Lakers fan thought this was the time for Lakers to make a final push for Michael Beasley, if at all they are wanting him.

But we were in for a shock. Derek Fisher (+ 1st round pick) had been traded to the Rockets for Jordan Hill.

It was an hour of utter disbelief. The news made me jump up, and put me to tears immediately. Laker fans all over the world following this were in tears.

Sure, Mitch wanted to improve the team, but we never, ever, expected this.

Why do we love Fisher? Fisher is the leader of the team, the co-captain of Lakers, the only player Kobe Bryant willingly listens to, the father figure for young players on the roster, the commander-in-chief for the warriors when in need. He is just beyond an average point guard with questionable form. You can throw the stat sheet down your drain when you put him in clutch situations.

He gave us so many memories, scattered over a decade of Purple and Gold -ness. He rarely ever missed a free-throw! His three-pointers stood granted for ages, he has the 2nd most number of threes made in NBA finals, and a huge number of playoff games played... His experience is wealth in gold...purple and gold.

I was enjoying my summer break at my grandparents' place, and was watching THAT playoff game vs Spurs. Tim Duncan hit an impossible shot over Shaq, and the San Antonio crowd was already berserk. But then, 0.4 happened. And I did not disagree with my grandpa for calling me a mad monkey, seeing me jump up and down like one.

0.4s is what Fisher is. Clutch.

In both the recent seasons that Lakers won - Derek had some superb, series changing performances. In the season against the Magic, Derek Fisher hit the game tying 3 to take the game to over-time, and then killed the Magic with another 3 in over-time. When Lakers played the Celtics (yeah, this is the part where sport becomes a bloodbath battle), it was Derek Fisher who played like a rabid bull-dog to buy back the home court advantage at Boston. His made layup after being hammered to the floor will forever be fresh.

He passed up on sharing locker room space with Wade, LeBron and Bosh, to stay with the Lakers. It's hard for any Laker fan to see him leave. Mitch is likely to bring him back in future, maybe in a sign-and-retire way.

Derek Fisher is the voice for Lakers. It's a joy to see him come out first game of the season, and talk to the fans, especially after we won championships. Ah, Fish...

Derek Fisher, we have loved you, and we will love you, all the way. We loved the way you took the charges fearing no man who came at you, we love your treys that would swish from deep, I love your free-throws that made me love you in the first place, we love the professionalism that you bring to the table.

The whole bunch of players in the league must love you for representing them, standing up for them, working day and night and deep into the night to bring the season back.

Please come back if and when the opportunity comes, and make me weep again... weep in joy. I will be waiting for that day.

You shall always be our beloved Fish that you now are. Keep wearing that smile!

Sports boom in India, NBA to arrive next.

In life, there are always some things that are constant (or gradually and slowly moving in one direction) and there are some pulsating events. Like, for example, you are growing up day by day, learning the little new thing every day; and one day you have an adventure and are a singled reason for something great, or something famous, becoming famous.

Similar, are sports. Sports are always there. Every sport is played in one place more than the other owing to diverse reasons extending from the history to weather and, also the physique of the people of the geographical region. But, in recent years, with the advent of radio and later, of television and internet technologies, the following of a game has expanded beyond geographical boundaries. A cricket fan in the USA doesn't have to feel left out, nor should a football fan in Kenya. But, there needs to be something to break the new sport into the newer lands. Something "revolutionary" must happen, which attracts more and more people towards it.

In this post, I will try to put up a few occurrences in the recent history that has attracted a large following towards it, even if there are very few Indians playing it, or very few playing at the highest level of quality. And, predict the next swarm.

1. Formula One Racing.
India had a decent number of F1 followers a few years ago. I used to watch/follow during my school and college days. But it was far less than the number of people who care about, say, hockey. And suddenly, F1 came to India in October 2011. There was an unmatched euphoria that spread across the country like wildfire. People started liking drivers, some suddenly claimed to have known the Vettels and Alonsos since last century, some showered praises and swears like they were best buddies or arch rivals (something you see in sports with cemented fandom base), and people who had dreamt of watching F1 live had now a chance to realise it. The Buddh International Circuit could host nearly one lakh people, all of which were sold! That, brought F1 to India. Should've happened 5 years ago. Late, but never too late. It has happened. Not so long ago, an Indian company started owning a team (Force India), and we also had Indian drivers in the circuit. But THIS, this changed everything.

Click here for the race results.

2. Sania and Saina
Indian sports almost always ignored the performances of women. Even if it was about cricket. The whole nation followed the Indian men's cricket team during the 2003 WC, where it lost in the finals to Australia. But rarely do anyone remember Indian women's team's fortunes, as they traversed the same luck in 2005. But then, two girls, Saina Mirza and Saina Nehwal, swung a lasso and caught the attention of many million Indians towards them.

Sania Mirza raced past expectations to claim an Indian's highest WTA rank (27). Vijay Amrithraj was once ranked 16, Ramesh Krishnan 23. And 22 years since, Sania hit 27. That was when many girls got into tennis. Girls' tennis got more attention, more coaching. Sania went on to win silver and gold in Asian games too. The kick's been given, the result will show. Sania Mirza is the milestone woman to Indian tennis, but not the last one.

Saina Nehwal, a young prodigy, took badminton to another level of fan-following when she took the one way highway up the rankings, and reached her personal best of World Number 2, never before seen by any Indian. She was also instrumental in India bagging an overall silver in the Commonwealth Games of 2010, thanks to her gold medal. To put in a nutshell, she is to badminton what Sania Mirza is to tennis, if not more.

3. Twenty20 cricket
India were wary of the new version of cricket - the Twenty20. Indian ideology is - if you don't know it, don't fiddle with it. Not until India won the World Cup T20 did the think tanks and the people swarm the format of the game and adopt it, such that the world is attracted to the T20 league in India - the IPL, which kicked off on the same lines of the first such commercial Indian T20 league- the ICL (which was then labeled "rebel" league, and shunned). Funny, how things are first termed rebellious, and then taken into practice and termed genuine.

That World Cup drew comparisons to the ODI World Cup win in 1983. We had played only 6 ODIs at home before 1983 victory. We played 7 in 1983 after the world cup win.

These victories, these names, these events... They attract people, and loads of them. Very recently, an Indian company has taken over the ownership of an English Premiership Club - Blackburn Rovers. Now you see players in England, cheered by fans from all over the world wearing a shirt with an Indian's company's name on their chest and the camera flashing across to the club's Indian owners.Whether or not you like the club or not is immaterial, for, I don't even own the football the kids in my apartment play. I can only appreciate them. They even brought the team to play against an Indian club team - Pune FC. Vijay Mallya did similar things when he bought an F1 team and put India on the F1 map.

What next?

NBA

Yes! NBA.
The whole of India is now banking its hopes and expectations into a 15 year old simple Punjabi boy, Satnam Singh Bhamara. He's a giant, measured a whole 7 foot tall figure and had impressed his trainers at an IMG camp in Florida in 2010. He has been attracting many coaches' eyes since his arrival there, and is now in regular training. He has another 4-5 years of good training at school and college level before NBA picks players from the colleges from across the colleges (atleast one year of academics must be completed) and the globe in whole.

The coaches are liking his skill sets. They are helping him improve his athleticism. I spoke to Daniel Buerge, owner of LakersNation.com, LA Lakers' fan-blog (every NBA franchise has a fan blog, which is like the second place you visit after the official team page, or in some cases the first. And LakersNation was adjudged the best sports blog in LA last year) in December and introduced him to the growing sensation of Satnam Singh Bhamara and asked his opinion. He said that someone as tall as 7 feet with 4 years of growth left and already gaining reputation as a good player with handy skill set will be under the watch of NBA scouts. That, I hope does happen. If his preparations keep the pace, he will get into a good college for his skills, and will go all the way to the big league.
Two articles on him - NDTV, AOL



There is one comparison which I can make to tell you how this can be, if and when it happens. Yao Ming, of China. In 2002, he became the first Chinese player to be drafted into the NBA. What Yao Ming had, was an experience of 5 years in basketball, winning the CBA Championship with Shanghai Sharks, a team he now owns shares of, after retiring from basketball at a very young age of 31, due to a weak knee. NBA, and basketball in general, in China has since become an ever growing market. One of NBA's busiest offices abroad is in China. Chinese basketball improved so much, that when the NBA went into a lock-out, players opted to play basketball in China until NBA was restored, or in some cases, the whole of Chinese season.

Satnam Singh can bring that change to India. He can do what Hasheem Thabeet did for Tanzania, what Samuel Dalembert did for Haiti. He holds Yao Ming as an inspiration, and he wants to be India's Yao Ming. He has all my prayers to accomplish that.

We are waiting by the beach, awaiting the sweet wave to wash our feet, and prepare for a new dawn, one when Satnam Singh Bhamara wears an NBA jersey and stands shoulder to shoulder with other contemporary stars.

Bring it on!

New ODI Rules.

Clearly ODI cricket is on a new low. Viewers aren't watching, sponsors not willing to invest, same bunch of teams taking turns winning, same bunch of teams taking turns not winning, T20s eating into ODIs like Moths, sweeping away crowds like Dung Beetle, and test cricket stomping on it like a Woolly.

I See, see, that One Day International Cricket needs some serious changes. So I took it upon me to save ODI cricket from its early death. My views have been approved by an imaginary board. It's quite the same as imaginary views being approved by a real cricketing board.

Here is the list of a few minor, major and utterly mandatory changes :-

01. The captain who loses the toss, buys the opponent's playing XI dinner on the night of the game. If he loses, it will be good for him, as the winning captain has to sponsor the opponent's XI's lunch the following day. ICC and boards see this as a way to cut their own expenses. ECB were happy at this.

Note - M.S. Dhoni quoted "Well of course, winning is important, irrespective of the toss" in satisfaction of the law.

02. There will be a two minute mandatory break in each innings after the 25th over. This is a dedicated time for the teams to play dodgeball. Fielding XI forms a circle of 15 yard diameter, and the two batsmen who're playing must play dodge. If they're hit in the 2 minutes, they're out. This dismissal will be termed "Hit Out", and will be credited to the fielder who hit the batsman. For a brochure of complete rule-set, it can be obtained from the patent owner, me, upon request.

Note - HotSpot will be applicable here, its applcation will be decided by 3rd umpire. BCCI are not yet happy about this.

03. Each team will have 2 reviews under UDRS, but their request will be put forth only if they can recite a tongue twister 10 times within 25 seconds to the bowling end umpire. The tongue twister will be of the umpire's choice. This is to reduce the number of referrals made, if not eliminate.

Note - Michael Clarke has filed a request to the ICC to not allow Australian matches to be umpired by BOTH Aleem Dar and Asad Rauf.

04. As a step to move forward with the Spirit of Cricket, the captains of both teams in the last match of the series/tournament, must exchange trousers at of toss. An undisclosed spokesperson for an undisclosed team said "They exchange tee shirts at football matches. We just exchange trousers."



Note - BCB announces double money payback to anyone who is willing to return their merchandises, waist below.

05. An innings is for 3.5 hours. Now on, there won't be any fine for exceeding the time limit. Just, the bowlers must bowl with their wrong hand.

Note - E(&W)CB awards permanent contract till retirement to Samit Patel, assuring him a place in the playing XI.

06. As the game has become very colourul, we have decided to add some more colours to the game. Bowlers will now bowl each over 3 different coloured balls. If x,y and z are the colours, the over will be bowled in xyzxyz order.


Note - Batting team can decide the colour of the ball. For England, pink is mandatory.

07. For the first time in any sport than includes hurling a ball at someone else, there will be the introduction of the concept of "Money Ball". Inspired and adapted from the NBA, this gives you double benefits. Each bowling team gets two Magic Balls each innings, the captain is free to opt for it any time in the innings, but they must be exhausted in the 50 overs. If the bowler picks a wicket, the next batsman on the officially declared batting order is Magicked Out, and cannot bat. Two wickets. One ball. You only dreamt of it. Batsmen will similarly double whatever they score off the Magic Ball.

Note - Lasith Malinga is smiling now.

08. Any commentator who gets a feeling of any kind while on air will be given free treatment at a local hospital far away from the ground for 6 months, and be sanctioned medical-leave for the period. This is to let the world knows that ICC cares for the welfare of their presenters.

Note - We thank the students of KMC (Kilpauk Medical College), Chennai for suggesting this very noble idea.

09. ICC has recruited and contracted Russel Peters to every possible ODIs that are played around the world for conducting the presentation ceremony. An office bearer said "We want the people to stay for the presentation ceremony. The people who conduct it now are so predictable. My dog knows what lines are coming up." Russel Peters is ready for the task. He said in an exclusive interview, "Each player summoned to the dais must start with a 'Your momma is so fat..' joke."

Note - ICC mentioned that it will impose a fine of upto 1 match ban on players who opt for "Well of course, your momma is so fat."

10. As many incidences have come up, and many have mentioned the need for it officially, since it is unofficially happening anyway, we have decided to legalize ball tampering. Ball tampering has been defined as a "one time 30 second long act in making allowable alterations to the surface of the ball, without disfiguring the shape of the ball, with whatever means possible, in front of both field umpires and under the vigilance of a spider camera". It will be allowed only to those bowling teams who employed only fast bowlers in their first 15 overs, with a second slip always present during the period, and no player making a visit to the dressing room until the point of time when the allowance is made by the on-field umpire (only after 38th over). This is to make sure that the fast bowlers are sufficiently utilized at the beginning itself, and also that nobody brings in extra tools for any disfiguration.

Note - "fast bowlers" is a list of literally fast or medium fast bowlers, and does not include Keiron Pollard or Paul Collingwoord. Jade Dernbach has been sent a list of rules to abide by for the first 15 overs to help his team avail this offer.

Let Glory Be Restored To ODIs